i love life, i hope you do too...it's all amazing...it's life changing

on august 6th, i will board a plane, ultimately bound for uganda, where i will live with, love on, teach, and feed (emotionally, physically, and watch God, spiritually) the children of return uganda ministries, an orphanage founded by pastor samuel bubonero.

my body has been there, and my heart has stayed there. i see their faces everyday, i feel their hands slip into mine, i hear their laughter, the chants of their songs, i see the shinning of their eyes that not even the most desperate hunger can drown out--yet.  that has to be captured.  that light, that sparkle, is to be fed, nurtured, protected, and encouraged.

some of the children from this ministry i met last year:
---side note: i did indeed wipe his runny little nose after this picture was taken. :)

she was my love. at first site, because she chose a fanta.  ;)









it becomes unbearable at times.  thinking of the hunger, the sickness, the children without a mother, without a father; who are not rocked to sleep every night and sung to, whispered to how lovely and special they are, how much God loves them, who don't have someone to scoop them up in their arms when they cry after falling or having a bad dream.  who don't have someone there to rub their backs when they are sick.

the cry of my heart: let me be that oh Lord!  that i may use my hands to hug and hold, to rock to sleep.  that i may use my feet to hasten to the lonely, the outcast, the forgotten, the hungry.  that i may use my heart, to be rid of all selfish ambition and desire, that it may be filled with Your love oh Lord, Your love that embraces the lepers, the hungry, the sick, the needy, the widows, the orphans.

that i may kiss tear-stained cheeks.  that i may cup my hands upon their precious faces, gaze into their eyes, and say to the fatherless, "God loves you! you have a Heavenly Father that will NEVER leave, fail, or forsake you" and that i may be a living embodiment of His love.  that He may cleanse me of myself so that i may be filled with more of Him, and wrap that love around those who have not felt it.

that i may not live a life of excess while they have nothing. that i may not live my life trapped in the hurts of my past, when the love for them is bursting out.  i simply can't not go.  love.  feed.

i love life; but not my life.  i love His life that ended at 33 for me, for you, for THEM.
this love, it's life changing.

...and we don't have to be scared

i think about the story of peter's life.  Jesus told him he would deny Him 3 times, and peter couldn't believe it, he protested that he would ever do that to his Lord.  sure enough, he did, in Christ most crucial hour. three times peter denied Christ. when Christ arose from the dead, He came to peter and asked: "peter, do you love me?"  "yes, Lord,i love You"; "peter, do you love me?"  "yes, Lord,i love You", "peter, do you love me?"  "yes, Lord,i love You".  peter was redeemed.  three times he denied our Lord, and Christ, in His loving mercy, redeemed peter, and instead of departing with peter's last act to Him having been three denials, it was three "yes Lord, i love You."  how magnificent!  how wonderful that He does the same for us.  i, a broken person, with eyes that couldn't take the gaze off of my own scars, redeemed, given new eyes that gaze upon the scars and hearts of others.  a redeemed heart that abandons all concern for it's own desires, and it's only burning desire now is to love others, love the rejected, downcast, orphaned, poor and desolate. He is good beyond what any of us deserve. to quote st. francis: "i have been all things unholy, if He can use me, He can use anyone."
 
i've started collecting supplies to take with me for the children at the orphanage i'll be working at: peanut butter (great source of protein), electrolyte powder (recovery after malaria-which is a weekly occurrence), bibles, bible story books, scholastic books, paper, pencils, crayons, band-aids, anti-biotic ointment, h202, vitamins, etc. it's amazing, how sending out emails for these donations and making quick, easy, cost-efficient runs to the store is a stark contrast of how blessed we are here, how we take for granted that we know people who can just give us these things they have in excess, how we can get these things for minimal cost at any corner store, yet these things are so valued and difficult to come by/obtain where i am going.  i can't even begin to discuss the water situation.  i am working on this for them.

He is good, when there is nothing good in us, He is good.  when we love here, and stand before Thee at day's end, we don't have to be afraid.   that's all that matters, is loving God, loving others.  and meeting Him face to face.  everything else is just distraction.  it's all about Jesus.