she wipes his face clean with his shirt, wiping away the tears and the runny nose. the lovingly rubs his back and then picks him up and holds him close to her chest. her hand on his back, holding him close to her as she quietly says, “shhh, it’s okay, it’s okay, shhh, it’s okay” and then begins to sing him a soft song. she is 6 and he is her 8 month old brother. just two of the siblings that come to our program to receive nutritious food and hear bible stories. a break from their seemingly impossibly difficult lives, aimed to let them be children, if only for a few hours, yet, they sacrifice, the 6 year olds sacrifice so that their younger siblings can be children there.
today i saw her bathing the baby. the one year old was in a large plastic bucket tub, and she gooed and tickled her as she poured the water over her. she lathered her hands with soap, and gently and attentively cleaned her, so maturely, making sure to get her neck, behind her ears and even her little girl parts. she made faces with her, so that she could laugh, after this, she picked her up out of the dirty bucket water and held her tightly, drying her off and took her inside to dress her. the “she” doing the bathing for the 1 year old is only 8. she is so mature, attentive to the little one’s cries, quick to respond and soothe.
these are just a few examples in the last two days of what the lives of children is like here. they care for their younger siblings, as “stand-in parents”. they walk twice a day, some, miles each time to fetch dirty water from running streams. 5 year olds do this, and walk the miles back, carrying 3-5 gallon “jerry cans”--the yellow tubs used to transport water. yet, there remains joy in faces, in smiles, in yellowed eyes.
we were blessed to have another team from visiting orphans come through for a day. in the cost of the trip, it includes this day, for us to be able to feed 150+ children rice, beans, and pasha, as well as give them soda to drink. they come as they are, hungry, dirty, excited--for food and to be loved on. excited over silly pipe cleaner art projects and puppet shows. excited to just be...visited.
my heart is a mess right now. i leave in 2 weeks. i’m not “looking forward” to leaving and “getting back to the states”. i am looking forward to working again so i can support others that are here, serving the orphaned and vulnerable, i am looking forward to nursing school, so that i can do medical missions, i am looking forward to continuing to press, fight through this change. there is so much that needs to be done, and now that i have been here, i see there are others, others who gave up everything to come, serve, and love, but, it’s not enough. the mass of the population that needs help, needs love, needs empowerment, needs hope, is far greater than a supportive ratio that can be offered with those that are here. and this is just kampala/jinja/pallissa. there are times that my heart is breaking so widely open, crumbling into such ungatherable stony dust that i know only one of two things are possible: wallow in that brokenness and be selfish/focused on the sadness their suffering is bringing me, or wait upon the Lord, and know that by breaking something (my heart) so severely, that surely He is doing something incredible. and, He is, He is doing something magnificant, something with His fingerprints all over it.
video of this awesome dance number to come once i have more reliable internet! :)
spidergate: so, anyone that knows me knows of my utter, complete, fear of spiders, a fear so strong, it renders me absolutely useless if i even think one is near me; all i am able to do is cry out: “kill it! kill it! please, kill it! someone kill it! kill it!” i will whimper this over and over and over and over and over until someone, well, kills it. last night, they had their vengence, in a big way, or at least one did. it seems as if one was trapped inside of my mosquitto net, inside of my bed with me. he mauled me. imagine you give up oh, say, coffee for lent, or meat...and then, that day comes, and Holy! Holy! Holy! you devour a venti vanilla soy latte with an extra shot of espresso in under a minute--well, that’s kinda like what this evil spawn of the prince of darkness did to me :( . it makes me sad. and sore. i think he was a mutant spider and had razors growing from his spider fangs too-by the looks of the bites :( he’s probably hiding, waiting to come out and do it all again. i searched for him, to kill him, and could not find him...i think he’s like a green beret spider, plotting his attack right now actually. i’d rather have the mouse back--at least i never confirmed that he was a carrier of the bubonic plague, he might have been good and awesome like, danger mouse:
highly unlikely, but possible***edit* the culprit it would seem is a brown recluse/violin spider--jerk. :( i will be returning slightly maimed. this is why i hate spiders. :( i shall feel no embarrassment for my whimpering, shrill, crying please for people to kill spiders for me now.***
and, lastly: i’m a bit of an emily post fanatic, so, believe me, it is driving me a bit mad not to be able to send each of you a thank you card, or even email yet for donating to the best birthday ever for the children in africa fund! i shall take pictures of this wonderful, great, fun, super, bestest event and post them as soon as i can post party (which will be on the 29th!). my heart is truly gladdened still at the care and love to donate for this. i am loved beyond what i deserve for God to call me here, and even further that you all would love these children that i love, and give so that they may be blessed on my birthday. surely someone is more worthy, and thus, it can only be God, and His love for these children, because i surely do not deserve to be any sort of vessel for Him. <3
which is why i reference this:
"but everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. this is why it is said:
“wake up, sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you.”
be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is."--ephesians 5:13-17
let what is awakened in us, be not put out, that flame in us, however small, remain more powerful than even the thickest darkness. that light within us, that flickering, not only brings light and truth to those around us, but also to our own self, our own heart.
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